studio visit

since i’ll be meeting with some artist friends tonite to talk art and share some new work, had to stop at the studio to pick up some pieces.. since I have shane home from preschool on fridays he came along.
why not do a little work along with him? found this desk at the studio and hooray! i can get some work done.

How to be “different” i.e. creative while also being a mom

Gotcha! I have no idea. Trying though.

There was this page going around recently:

http://www.creativitypost.com/psychology/18_things_highly_creative_people_do_differently1

“18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently” Which is so nice, if you aren’t a mother. But here goes:

Daydream : at red lights

They observe everything. True, mostly at the playground, or at really awkward moments at school with other parents who have no idea what the hell you are talking about. While you desperately try to focus on a conversation about kids or work, they have no idea how you can literally see 5 conversations happening at once and all the emotions connected with those conversations: including the body language and how you are trying to remember to capture all that perfect tension later.

They work the hours that work for them. This is so cute! Yes, of course, working at night makes complete sense when your kids wake up at 6am and have to be driven to school or actually paid attention to.

They take time for solitude. Ok, this one I got: bathrooms. I have my kids thinking I poop for an hour. Also: closets. And the corners of playgrounds.

They turn life’s obstacles around. This is confusing. My children are obstacles. Do I turn them around?

They seek out new experiences. Ooh ooh! Me! Me! [hand wildly waving] I do have time for this. Sometimes it is used for procrastination purposes. (Am I procrastinating right now? Maybe) But yes: dance classes, psychology classes, acting class (starting in a few weeks, god help me) new metals if I am working in jewelry, new shapes, new pieces. new paints or brushes, or paper or whew. However: new experiences backfire if you are trying to move forward, yes? Because you are only as good as you practice. If you are only dipping a toe in you never really sink in to get great.

They “fail up.” Parenting is all about failure. It’s a million chances to fail a day. You have so many ways to phrase a sentence, to respond to someone’s inquiry, to deal with whining, complaining, screaming, breakdancing, paper airplanes flying in from the back of the car, oh you get it. And you fail most of the time to say “that thing” that you read in that book that makes kids perfect. But most of the time I keep trying, and a lot of the time I ask for help from professionals.

They ask the big questions. The big questions. Hmm. Interesting, like how are we going to pay for college when all I want to do is play with paints and fire and metal and wake up when I want and work when I want? Oh and no, I don’t have a gallery or any marketing skills what – so – ever. WHATSOEVER. So the big questions are: How do I remain creative and get lost in it when it’s no longer about me at all anymore? What is my work? Is it something to sell so I make money so my kids can .. what?

They people-watch. One of my least favorite phrases: “no-brainer, dude” Yes. Constantly. Nothing like it on earth. People’s bodies are fascinating, the way they hold tension is especially fascinating, how they protect themselves from other people, how they check people out. How people hug when they are meeting but don’t know each other very well.

They take risks. I think moving out to California with a relative stranger and abandoning all my close friends in New York is pretty risk-takey. Having kids is particularly risk-takey since you can’t return them. Did you know that? You can’t just decide to walk out, or I guess you CAN but you don’t. They are your mess. I also have to try new things for them, or get out of my own comfort zone for them as well. It can be really scary, but growth is scary. Change is scary. Being really bad at something is also scary: parenting! Trying to understand what is a good risk and a bad risk.

They view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression. Hmm. Yes, but that might be a little embarrassing for the kiddo, you know? Lets keep that one on the down low for now.

They follow their true passions. [after much laughter] True Passions. True passions. True passions! I get it. No, no I don’t.

They get out of their own heads. Well, that would be kind of dangerous. I mean, for sure, I like a glass or 5 of wine and that’s pretty good but it’s usually while they are asleep. But no more drugs. Oh, sorry, they mean daydreaming again. Right, yes, lots of daydreams happen while I chop garlic and onions. I cook because if I am standing in the kitchen, no one bothers me. The minute I sit down and look even remotely relaxed, all hell breaks loose.

They lose track of the time. Oh “flow state” how I love you. It is so amazing. And yes: I do still experience it though it took a long time to teach myself that yes, I can get work done between 10am- 2:50pm I can get into a flow, I can also stop mid flow even though it is wildly painful and begin again the next day or (what usually happens) the following week. I have a monthly creative cycle however, and that is completely broken apart. Once I get better at understanding my own work flow, I can alter it to fit in with the small children schedule. That’s a goal. I also think a lot about the work while away from it.

They surround themselves with beauty. And pee pee

They connect the dots. I’m really suppose to let my kids learn on their own, no?

They constantly shake things up. Does going from a relatively punk rock itunes soundtrack to adding Pharrell and Knarles Barkley count because my kids like it? No, kids constantly shake you up. They are growing and changing every second. Their brains need different things from day to day, understanding their developing minds and keeping up with them, adjusting what you say, how much you say (or explain) for every moment. I am always jogging in my head it feels like, ready to sprint when necessary. I can never quite sit with things the way I used to: and that is good and bad. Sometimes we overthink, and we need to move on. Sometimes we do need time to mull and I don’t have as much time for that. But man, am I shaken up.

They make time for mindfulness. Ok, yes, I do this. My kids do yoga. Granted, we aren’t rising up to greet the day with meditation by any means, but we do try to teach some sort of something. Along with yelling.

sketch sketch

sketch all i eek out today

perspective

In an attempt to organize my thoughts around the last year: a list.

I’ll start with the most vain: Started invisalign after a lifetime of crooked teeth. (Even with braces as a kid) Wearing the rubber bands and everything! I’ve been persistent and wore them constantly, even though they looked weird. I even floss all the time. So happy now, still a few months to go, but the teeth are straight!

Started taking dance classes at ODC after years of being fearful to get back into it. Have been going weekly (now twice weekly!) consistently for almost a year.

After years of thinking about returning to school for psychology, I found a grad program for art therapy that inspired me to take undergrad prerequisites. I found that Berkeley had some online classes and decided to see how I would do in a formal class (not an art class) after 19 years. I finished abnormal psych which was totally fascinating. Received a B! Thrilled. Now I am taking Developmental Psych and it’s equally fascinating. Both are/were challenging for different reasons. Ab psych was a lot of memorizing and challenging tests and papers. Devel psych is structured less about the test and more about how one processes the ideas and then applies it to real life.

Having 2 boys is a challenge in itself. On the one hand we have one who has some attention/ sensory issues and another that is motivated, but needs a different kind of support. It is like one has to practice two different kinds of parenting for each. And one doesn’t necessarily benefit from the other’s parenting needs. So staying fluid is key. And not easy. The younger one was finally able to start in a larger preschool in January of this year. Huge relief though I still think most days they would be happier at home tooling around with their toys and drawing. I struggle with that as well. And get very very annoyed at our antiquated, rigid, one dimensional, non differentiated learning environments and schools. It’s rote and boring and it’s killing all of our creativity.

My jewelry has taken on new forms and shapes. I feel more confident and my work space is comfortable and organized.

My painting as well, has taken on a new level of intensity and obsessiveness with pattern and shape.

My cooking has gotten progressively better and now that my husband is off gluten and I have had my dairy intolerance for forever, being creative with meals becomes more fun. Plus the kids leave me alone and play if I am cooking.

This year I will continue my studies.
Focus on new therapies for my older son and possibly new schools. Figure out the best situation/school enviroment for each kid.
I will continue with the dance classes.
Possibly get brave enough to get back on my snowboard since my older son seems to like it so much. It would be fun to go together.
Finish Invisalign. Wear retainers for life.
Start making travel plans for us for the future as a family.
Take an acting class at ACT for several reasons. To scare myself. To learn how to present myself more confidently. To create my artist persona to present to the world. To get back in that collaborative space of the black box. To push myself out there as an artist and to become more confident across the board.

To release this preciousness of early childhood. It’s more smothering to me (no word pun intended) and I can’t wait to see these boys blossom instead of being caught in their developmental cages of baby/toddler. Lets see who they are going to become!

For now I leave it at that. I am happy to look back and relish in accomplishment and inspire myself to keep pushing forward and out, to shed bad habits and teachings, to grow into a completely different self.

Here’s some photos in case you actually made it this far..

it’s hot in here

clip clip clip.. the necklaces come together.

brick sick house

this week could have been a wash, both kids puking and it was my birthday! what a gift. however it is always nice to take them down a notch in terms of energy. they were mellow and once i began to draw, they followed suit.

mine the forty one:

harry the six and three quarters:

shane:


shane the four may have involved in some guns and shooting in his design.

the rings of course:

patterns rule the world

these days i am working on as many small (9×12″) pieces as i can, working though some pattern making practice and body language- both so important to the work. the pattern sort of holds things together, while the figures struggle.

new necklace : similar obsession

working on a new necklace series, i realize i have a theme/obsession with shapes that recurs, don’t cha think, maybe?!

i’ll make a few more necklaces and photograph them on: they are big, sketchy, loops that drape all around the neck. very dramatic and yet somehow subtle.

earrings will come to match as well, they are still in my head.

the top one is nugold (a more pure brass) and copper pieces. (unfinished)

the bottom one is all brass.

the paintings follow..

ink & blot

ink & blot

mystery rings

mystery rings: what will they be? a new set of necklaces .. stay tuned!